I have been experiencing a battle in my own mind for months. I have some sober time under my belt. But, it is very hard for an addict to completely eliminate their addiction from their mind. See the addiction, or disease, centers in our minds and I truly believe to a certain degree we are all addicted to something. Obviously the degree of addiction or drug of choice varies. The drug of choice can vary from alcohol and drugs to work, exercise, sex, power, money and greed. My drug of choice was alcohol. I have a feeling there are many people with whom I come into contact with daily that have an addiction, but are not willing to accept they have a problem and that their addiction is hurting themselves and others.
My cravings for alcohol have gone away. This is by the grace of God. But not a day goes by that I do not think about having a drink. In order to manage this battle between good and evil, inside my mind, I have to do a lot of reading, a lot of praying and I have to think back to what it was like for those around me when I was in the middle of my addiction. On the surface or from the casual on-looker my life probably has not changed much in the last 3 1/2 years, but ask those closest to me and I feel certain they will respond that I'm not the same person at all.
I owe this second chance to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, a strong network of family and friends and a loving God, all who never gave up on me and loved me until I could love myself. This may sound very selfish and may be for another blog someday, but I really had given up hope and had turned my back on God. The shame of this caused me to hate me. Thankfully there was a solution.
"For deep down in every man, woman, and child, is the fundamental idea of God. It may be obscured by calamity, by pomp, by worship of other things, but in some form or other it is there. For faith in a power greater than ourselves, and miraculous demonstrations of that power in human lives, are facts as old as man himself". (AA, page 55)
So if your struggling with an addiction, if your life is full of chaos, if you feel God has turned his back on you and life is not worth living, your not alone. Millions feel this way today and Millions felt like you feel and are now living in recovery. All you have to do is have a desire to change and be willing to ask for help and I promise you God will show up in your life. Your life will change, for the better, and you will eventually be able to look back in the rear view mirror and say wow how did I do that.
This blog today may not make a whole lot of sense too many, but I do feel better just saying out loud that I'm not healed and never will be completely healed. But, I did get up today, thanked God for an opportunity to live another day and I really do love living in recovery.
Keep it in the fairway.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Life in the Hereafter
I cannot believe it has been 7 weeks since I made my last post. I could sit here and come up with a 100 excuses why, but I have a feeling once said out loud my excuses would seem rather silly. So, rather than wallow in self pity let me share something powerful I read this week.
"But, we see Jesus, who made a little lower than angels, now crowned with glory and honor because he suffered death, so that by the grace of God he might taste death for everyone. In bringing many sons to glory, it was fitting that God, for whom and through whom everything exists, should make the author of their salvation perfect through suffering. Both the one who makes men holy and those who are made holy are of the same family. So Jesus is not ashamed to call them brothers". (Hebrews 2:9-11)
I'm sure when the reader reads the title "Life in the Hereafter" they are going to assume I'm going to share some far fetched opinion of what I expect life will be after death. Instead I'm simply going to say I feel like I'm living in the hereafter. In many ways I was living in death before finally turning my will over to the care of God. Now, I'm not going to sit here and tell you I'm perfect. I like to think that today I focus on spiritual progress, not perfection. I'm grateful to have experienced God's grace and that He sent his son to experience suffering and death. It means everything to me that when I came to the point, in my life, where I thought I had lost everything and I asked for His forgiveness of my sins and said to Him I do not deserve to live He said do not worry, you are my son and we are of the same family. I honestly feel God spoke to me and He said because you have experienced death while living and asked for forgiveness I'm now going to allow you to live in the hereafter.
Not everyone who reads this may understand what living in death means. However, there are millions of people living in death today. I do assure you anyone who reads this has experienced suffering and there is a solution. The solution is letting go and let God take the wheel. I know the hereafter will bring many highs and lows. But, the good news, for me today, is that the lows are not as low as they once were and I know Jesus knows me and He is not ashamed to call me brother. That was what hit me square in the face this week when I read this passage. I have a brother and he knows all my shortcomings and yet he is not ashamed to call me brother!
Keep it in the fairway.
"But, we see Jesus, who made a little lower than angels, now crowned with glory and honor because he suffered death, so that by the grace of God he might taste death for everyone. In bringing many sons to glory, it was fitting that God, for whom and through whom everything exists, should make the author of their salvation perfect through suffering. Both the one who makes men holy and those who are made holy are of the same family. So Jesus is not ashamed to call them brothers". (Hebrews 2:9-11)
I'm sure when the reader reads the title "Life in the Hereafter" they are going to assume I'm going to share some far fetched opinion of what I expect life will be after death. Instead I'm simply going to say I feel like I'm living in the hereafter. In many ways I was living in death before finally turning my will over to the care of God. Now, I'm not going to sit here and tell you I'm perfect. I like to think that today I focus on spiritual progress, not perfection. I'm grateful to have experienced God's grace and that He sent his son to experience suffering and death. It means everything to me that when I came to the point, in my life, where I thought I had lost everything and I asked for His forgiveness of my sins and said to Him I do not deserve to live He said do not worry, you are my son and we are of the same family. I honestly feel God spoke to me and He said because you have experienced death while living and asked for forgiveness I'm now going to allow you to live in the hereafter.
Not everyone who reads this may understand what living in death means. However, there are millions of people living in death today. I do assure you anyone who reads this has experienced suffering and there is a solution. The solution is letting go and let God take the wheel. I know the hereafter will bring many highs and lows. But, the good news, for me today, is that the lows are not as low as they once were and I know Jesus knows me and He is not ashamed to call me brother. That was what hit me square in the face this week when I read this passage. I have a brother and he knows all my shortcomings and yet he is not ashamed to call me brother!
Keep it in the fairway.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Pass It On
This week has been extremely challenging in many ways. Some ways I can not mention here, but let's suffice to say if every week of my life was as challenging as the last 5 days I'm not sure I would be very spiritual. There were a few "a ha" moments this week that I recorded and I experienced one this morning I would like to share.
This "a ha" moment is a little self-promotion, but I do think the message is a good one. This morning, Saturday, I went for a jog and was having some mental warfare with myself so while jogging I played the "gratitude" game. This is where you alphabetically come up with some things you are grateful for. I made it to about letter "O" before my mind wandered off somewhere else. The coolest thing about this game is it makes me stop thinking about myself and alters my thoughts on others.
Upon returning from my jog Candice said the girls want Krispie Kreme. So, I ran down to the store and while in the drive thru one my old boss' pulled up behind me. I said good morning. Once ready to pay I offered to pay for their breakfast. The attendant asked if I knew them and I said yes. Before I pulled away I said when they pull up please tell them to "Pass It On" and do something nice for someone else today.
Again, I know this is a little self promotion and I wish I could say I thought like this all the time, but I don't. BUT - I can tell you that my entire outlook on the day changed on my ride home. So, hopefully between "a ha" moments and "passing it on" I may be able to increase my spiritual sweet spot.
Keep it in the fairway.
Chris
This "a ha" moment is a little self-promotion, but I do think the message is a good one. This morning, Saturday, I went for a jog and was having some mental warfare with myself so while jogging I played the "gratitude" game. This is where you alphabetically come up with some things you are grateful for. I made it to about letter "O" before my mind wandered off somewhere else. The coolest thing about this game is it makes me stop thinking about myself and alters my thoughts on others.
Upon returning from my jog Candice said the girls want Krispie Kreme. So, I ran down to the store and while in the drive thru one my old boss' pulled up behind me. I said good morning. Once ready to pay I offered to pay for their breakfast. The attendant asked if I knew them and I said yes. Before I pulled away I said when they pull up please tell them to "Pass It On" and do something nice for someone else today.
Again, I know this is a little self promotion and I wish I could say I thought like this all the time, but I don't. BUT - I can tell you that my entire outlook on the day changed on my ride home. So, hopefully between "a ha" moments and "passing it on" I may be able to increase my spiritual sweet spot.
Keep it in the fairway.
Chris
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Spiritual "sweet spots'
I was watching golf on t v and heard one of the announcers say "notice where he made contact with the ball, with his driver, that my friends is on the sweet spot". Golf clubs have sweet spots, baseball bats have sweet spots and I know I have a sweet tooth that works over time.
But, do we have a spiritual sweet spot? Is there a place where we can always go and feel like we are more spiritual or closer to God? Some of the most common answers might be when we are outdoors enjoying nature, on a jog or a walk, or when we are in church.
For me when I think about my spiritual sweet spot, several places come to mind. The first place that comes to mind is my back porch, early in the morning, after a jog when I have my quiet time. I also experience moments of peace and serenity when on a golf course. I rarely get upset with my golf game and take it one shot at a time and try to always remember that if I'm on a golf course life is not so bad. And then there are those random, everyday moments when I sometimes find myself overwhelmed with emotions and have to take a few seconds to thank God, for being God. I did this once this summer, we were at a little league championship game and I got all caught up in the moment and my heart just became overwhelmed with gratefulness. I had to fight off tears of joy just watching all the coaches, players, parents, friends and family getting into the game. Don't know where that came from but I really enjoyed that moment.
I guess what I'm trying to share is that any place, any where, any time we can turn any moment into a moment of spiritual gratitude. We do not have to say anything out loud. We can just, in our silence, thank God for being God and giving us the opportunity to enjoy that moment.
I'd like to wrap this up by challenging us all to find that one "a ha" moment every day for the next 30 days and keep a log of what your "a ha" moment was that day. Who knows you may find your spiritual "sweet spot" will grow bigger.
Keep it in the fairway,
Chris
But, do we have a spiritual sweet spot? Is there a place where we can always go and feel like we are more spiritual or closer to God? Some of the most common answers might be when we are outdoors enjoying nature, on a jog or a walk, or when we are in church.
For me when I think about my spiritual sweet spot, several places come to mind. The first place that comes to mind is my back porch, early in the morning, after a jog when I have my quiet time. I also experience moments of peace and serenity when on a golf course. I rarely get upset with my golf game and take it one shot at a time and try to always remember that if I'm on a golf course life is not so bad. And then there are those random, everyday moments when I sometimes find myself overwhelmed with emotions and have to take a few seconds to thank God, for being God. I did this once this summer, we were at a little league championship game and I got all caught up in the moment and my heart just became overwhelmed with gratefulness. I had to fight off tears of joy just watching all the coaches, players, parents, friends and family getting into the game. Don't know where that came from but I really enjoyed that moment.
I guess what I'm trying to share is that any place, any where, any time we can turn any moment into a moment of spiritual gratitude. We do not have to say anything out loud. We can just, in our silence, thank God for being God and giving us the opportunity to enjoy that moment.
I'd like to wrap this up by challenging us all to find that one "a ha" moment every day for the next 30 days and keep a log of what your "a ha" moment was that day. Who knows you may find your spiritual "sweet spot" will grow bigger.
Keep it in the fairway,
Chris
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Launch Angles
I was sitting at one of my daughter 's volleyball matches this week and two fathers were talking about their golf games and "launch angles". Both were thinking they might need to change their shafts in their clubs in order to improve their launch angles. The big buzz word today by pro golfers, and anyone that desires to hit 300 yard drives, is launch angles. "Well Peter my launch angle with the driver was off today and therefore I had a little difficulty finding the fairway". I did not hear him say this but sounds a lot like something Phil Mickelson would have said after the PGA Championship in 2009.
I wander if either one of these father's have given much thought to their faith launch angle lately? What is our individual faith launch angles? Are we vertically challengng ourselves daily? Are we taking a low launch angle view on life and just trying to roll down the fairway instead of soaring high above?
I read this morning that "It is only the earth-bound spirit that cannot soar. Loosen the strands that ties you to the earth and rise above earthly things. Clipped wings can grow again".
This encourages me today to be reminded that we all have our short comings and have fallen short of God's expectations at different times in our life, but clipped wings will grow back and rather than dwell on our mistakes in the past - focus on today and thank God we have a compassionate God full of grace and forgiveness.
Begin today the contruction of a new found self-repsect for yourself and keep in mind we ran a race, we stumbled and fell and scratched our knees, but beginning today we can now press on toward the goal of a better life. A life with a new launch angle - soaring high above where we used to live.
Keep it in the fairway,
Chris
I wander if either one of these father's have given much thought to their faith launch angle lately? What is our individual faith launch angles? Are we vertically challengng ourselves daily? Are we taking a low launch angle view on life and just trying to roll down the fairway instead of soaring high above?
I read this morning that "It is only the earth-bound spirit that cannot soar. Loosen the strands that ties you to the earth and rise above earthly things. Clipped wings can grow again".
This encourages me today to be reminded that we all have our short comings and have fallen short of God's expectations at different times in our life, but clipped wings will grow back and rather than dwell on our mistakes in the past - focus on today and thank God we have a compassionate God full of grace and forgiveness.
Begin today the contruction of a new found self-repsect for yourself and keep in mind we ran a race, we stumbled and fell and scratched our knees, but beginning today we can now press on toward the goal of a better life. A life with a new launch angle - soaring high above where we used to live.
Keep it in the fairway,
Chris
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Private Chaos
Wednesday, August 11, 2010 7:15 AM
It was this morning, when, while sitting on the back porch of our home getting ready to do some reading, that I again began stressing over how busy life has become. I never really imagined life would be this busy. I was sort of experiencing a small panic attack.
Do you ever feel like the walls are closing in on your own little private chaos? Candice and I were reviewing our schedules for the next 2 1/2 months a couple of days ago. We had the cell phones out and began going over everyone's schedules. All I can say is between work, school, soccer, volleyball, UK football and church activites I really do not see the Chaffin's having any down time in the 10 weeks. This morning I was writing down how this made me feel? and What is it I'm really afraid of? and all I could come up with is my biggest fear is the stress of being busy has on my personal relationships. I want everyone to be happy, but when LIFE gets out of control sometimes fuses get short.
After having just written about this in my journal, this morning, I picked up some literature and read "He (God) can bring peace and order out of your private chaos if you will let Him. God is watching over you, too, to bless you and care for you".
Are you kidding me? That gave me the biggest goose bumps. Here I'am complaining about my life being so busy and in the very next moment I'm being reminded that maybe all of this is just God testing my faith. I have been taught that if I trust God and place all things in his care then I will receive serenity, peace and love. How awesome is that? This God that created the Universe - loves and cares about me.
"Even when I go through the darkest valley, I fear no danger, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff-they comfort me". (Psalm 23:4)
Hopefully my faith will hold up the next 10 weeks, during this private chaos, and I will focus on my "fuse" by practicing lots of patience, tolerance and love. Thank you God for talking to me this morning at a time when I really needed you.
Keep it in the fairway.
Chris
It was this morning, when, while sitting on the back porch of our home getting ready to do some reading, that I again began stressing over how busy life has become. I never really imagined life would be this busy. I was sort of experiencing a small panic attack.
Do you ever feel like the walls are closing in on your own little private chaos? Candice and I were reviewing our schedules for the next 2 1/2 months a couple of days ago. We had the cell phones out and began going over everyone's schedules. All I can say is between work, school, soccer, volleyball, UK football and church activites I really do not see the Chaffin's having any down time in the 10 weeks. This morning I was writing down how this made me feel? and What is it I'm really afraid of? and all I could come up with is my biggest fear is the stress of being busy has on my personal relationships. I want everyone to be happy, but when LIFE gets out of control sometimes fuses get short.
After having just written about this in my journal, this morning, I picked up some literature and read "He (God) can bring peace and order out of your private chaos if you will let Him. God is watching over you, too, to bless you and care for you".
Are you kidding me? That gave me the biggest goose bumps. Here I'am complaining about my life being so busy and in the very next moment I'm being reminded that maybe all of this is just God testing my faith. I have been taught that if I trust God and place all things in his care then I will receive serenity, peace and love. How awesome is that? This God that created the Universe - loves and cares about me.
"Even when I go through the darkest valley, I fear no danger, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff-they comfort me". (Psalm 23:4)
Hopefully my faith will hold up the next 10 weeks, during this private chaos, and I will focus on my "fuse" by practicing lots of patience, tolerance and love. Thank you God for talking to me this morning at a time when I really needed you.
Keep it in the fairway.
Chris
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Daily Living Amends
There are thousands of self help books, philosophies, guides and ways to living well. Some may call this a wholesome abundant life. What has worked most effective for me over, the last 3 years, is a 12-step program. I have not been an A+ student, but they say "It's progress, not perfection". Today is August 1st, the 8th month, and I like to use the calendar as a way to sort of focus on each step throughout the year.
Step 8 - Made a list of all the persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
Easy enough right? Just go back over your entire life, pick out those you have harmed and become "willing" to make amends. There is no action here. The action comes in Step 9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
I snuck ahead to step 9 because this "amends" thing was on my heart this morning. My heart is overwhelmed with gratitude today and I know this is because I have done the work to get to this point in my life. Today, I try to immediately recognize when I have harmed others, been out of line or maybe reacted to a situation inappropriately. In my previous life I was so self-centered I actually never realize when I was hurting others because I could not get passed thinking about myself.
I'm learning - slowly, that saying I'm sorry (and meaning it) is not that difficult to do. Call up the person you have harmed, invite them to coffee, lunch, golf, etc. and get one on one with them and clean your side of the street. Sometimes, if the person is far away write them a letter and say I'm sorry.
In all cases, whether face to face, in a letter, or just performing a daily living amends, what we are doing is publicly apologizing, asking for forgiveness, promising to do better, today and going forward, and most importantly we are putting another human beings feelings ahead of our own. We are saying to them I'm willing to go to any lengths to repair the damage I have caused.
For a self-centered guy like me that is a psychological change.
BIG QUESTION! Have we also done this in our relationship with Christ? I know the first time I ever did this God was #1 on my list. I had completely turned my life against God and decided he had dealt me a back deck of cards and so rather that trade in a few cards and make them better, I just ran on self-will and turned my back on him. I was a big hypocrite for too many years.
Today, I feel I have repaired the damage I caused in my relationship with God and he has forgiven me. I have also repaired many relationships I had to here on earth. I continue to make living amends, daily. This is not a process that occurs over night. For many of us it is a process that we must continue to concentrate on every day. That is really the rest of our lives, but as I have come to learn today is a gift, tomorrow is a dream, and yesterday is gone forever so all I can really do is focus on living well today.
Keep it in the fairway.
Chris
Step 8 - Made a list of all the persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
Easy enough right? Just go back over your entire life, pick out those you have harmed and become "willing" to make amends. There is no action here. The action comes in Step 9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
I snuck ahead to step 9 because this "amends" thing was on my heart this morning. My heart is overwhelmed with gratitude today and I know this is because I have done the work to get to this point in my life. Today, I try to immediately recognize when I have harmed others, been out of line or maybe reacted to a situation inappropriately. In my previous life I was so self-centered I actually never realize when I was hurting others because I could not get passed thinking about myself.
I'm learning - slowly, that saying I'm sorry (and meaning it) is not that difficult to do. Call up the person you have harmed, invite them to coffee, lunch, golf, etc. and get one on one with them and clean your side of the street. Sometimes, if the person is far away write them a letter and say I'm sorry.
In all cases, whether face to face, in a letter, or just performing a daily living amends, what we are doing is publicly apologizing, asking for forgiveness, promising to do better, today and going forward, and most importantly we are putting another human beings feelings ahead of our own. We are saying to them I'm willing to go to any lengths to repair the damage I have caused.
For a self-centered guy like me that is a psychological change.
BIG QUESTION! Have we also done this in our relationship with Christ? I know the first time I ever did this God was #1 on my list. I had completely turned my life against God and decided he had dealt me a back deck of cards and so rather that trade in a few cards and make them better, I just ran on self-will and turned my back on him. I was a big hypocrite for too many years.
Today, I feel I have repaired the damage I caused in my relationship with God and he has forgiven me. I have also repaired many relationships I had to here on earth. I continue to make living amends, daily. This is not a process that occurs over night. For many of us it is a process that we must continue to concentrate on every day. That is really the rest of our lives, but as I have come to learn today is a gift, tomorrow is a dream, and yesterday is gone forever so all I can really do is focus on living well today.
Keep it in the fairway.
Chris
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