Addiction

I have been experiencing a battle in my own mind for months. I have some sober time under my belt. But, it is very hard for an addict to completely eliminate their addiction from their mind. See the addiction, or disease, centers in our minds and I truly believe to a certain degree we are all addicted to something. Obviously the degree of addiction or drug of choice varies. The drug of choice can vary from alcohol and drugs to work, exercise, sex, power, money and greed. My drug of choice was alcohol. I have a feeling there are many people with whom I come into contact with daily that have an addiction, but are not willing to accept they have a problem and that their addiction is hurting themselves and others.

My cravings for alcohol have gone away. This is by the grace of God. But not a day goes by that I do not think about having a drink. In order to manage this battle between good and evil, inside my mind, I have to do a lot of reading, a lot of praying and I have to think back to what it was like for those around me when I was in the middle of my addiction. On the surface or from the casual on-looker my life probably has not changed much in the last 3 1/2 years, but ask those closest to me and I feel certain they will respond that I'm not the same person at all.

I owe this second chance to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, a strong network of family and friends and a loving God, all who never gave up on me and loved me until I could love myself. This may sound very selfish and may be for another blog someday, but I really had given up hope and had turned my back on God. The shame of this caused me to hate me. Thankfully there was a solution.

"For deep down in every man, woman, and child, is the fundamental idea of God. It may be obscured by calamity, by pomp, by worship of other things, but in some form or other it is there. For faith in a power greater than ourselves, and miraculous demonstrations of that power in human lives, are facts as old as man himself". (AA, page 55)

So if your struggling with an addiction, if your life is full of chaos, if you feel God has turned his back on you and life is not worth living, your not alone. Millions feel this way today and Millions felt like you feel and are now living in recovery. All you have to do is have a desire to change and be willing to ask for help and I promise you God will show up in your life. Your life will change, for the better, and you will eventually be able to look back in the rear view mirror and say wow how did I do that.

This blog today may not make a whole lot of sense too many, but I do feel better just saying out loud that I'm not healed and never will be completely healed. But, I did get up today, thanked God for an opportunity to live another day and I really do love living in recovery.

Keep it in the fairway.